ArtSlam day2
Had to be quick tonight, so have rag-horse, the first valiant soul to loose his life on Lyns great adventure.
She made him herself, and he was her best friend in the world. I feel terrible.
And gods did it feel excellent! Ima write this here book! then I’m going to draw it! and them im going to feel just exelent.
*wiggles in glee and a sence of accomplishemnt.
Must keep at my weekly writing nights!
[video]
I can remember to the hour when I first realised how deeply it was possible to love another being. It was when I was very young, my little sister almost drowned in out backyard pool. It was not case of negligence, in fact, had she not have been so carefully watched it is unlikely she would have survived. She simply decided to jump in, sunk to the bottom, and could not get back up.
I remember in immaculate detail how I heard the alarmed cries go up from the adults. The sound of the ambulance out the front, (I never saw it). The words being spoken, (I never saw more than a glimpse of my sister). I went and hid in the garage, half to stay out of the way, mostly terrified that if I was underfoot, that If I distracted anyone or got in the way for just a moment then I would waste precious seconds needed to save my baby sister. I hid there in the dark, listening to the events unfold as they occurred not some few meters away from me through the glass door and the thick basalt wall.
They say you don’t realise what you’ve got until its gone. It’s a rather weak way to describe how that perilous moment of impotent anxiety rests in your chest. It’s horrible tight feeling, like you are trying to breathe out of lungs made of iron, while your face becomes suddenly hot and damp. Its not something words can ever fully express. If you have never felt it, it is simply impossible to understand. Odds are however, unless you have love for no-one, that at some point all of us will.
And then there was a phonecall and she was ok, and there were fatherly hugs and a brief washes of joy followed by the return of everyday life. I vowed to be kinder to my sister, who I now understood how much I loved*.
Some part of me accepts that this terrible event would reoccur, that the future held more times of uncertain or eventual loss, but it seems so terribly unfair that it should occur so soon, well before its proper time.
I have almost lost someone very important to me so often in the last year and a half that its beginning to be hard to remember not feeling this way. I have spent most of it hiding behind apathy or ‘hope’, smiling at the doctors and my chosen family, choking down tears on my own in the dark at night. I feel like a scared child trying to stay out of the way while serious people in white coats say serious things, and nurses and friend alike make light of a litany of terrible and invasive tests. On the outside, I make light of it too, but I cannot tell if I’m just being brave, or hiding in the garage with the suitcases and the smell of old paint, once more cowering like a frightened child.
Perhaps both, it would explain why so often out of nowhere, I suddenly feel as if my body is physically trying to rip me apart. I don’t think I have ever been so on edge, or so very angry at the world. I shy away from things that I once enjoyed, and the most innocent offhanded comments about nothing important seem to be leaving me in tears. Most of all when people bring up issues and ideals I once defended with friendly debate or by example, I suddenly find myself fighting for desperately with bared tooth and sharpened claw. It’s like there is just no more time, that suddenly there is too much resting on every line of words.
This is not me, this is not the person I thought I had made of myself. Somehow this terrifying faceless attack on someone I love has been laying me low, and showing my true measure, more of myself I ever realised or hoped I would see. I feel like one of my own pictures, burning away from the inside, fighting with everything that I am against something that simply cannot be fought away, that cannot possibly be beaten, but should nerveless absolutely never be surrendered to.
I can’t decide if I like this new person or not.
To those (and you know who you are) who been there for me, helping calming me down when I’ve been hysterical, or simply broken down and succumbed to this ridiculousness we call life, thank you. It means more than I can put into words or canvas to have the distraction, and the affection. It gives me the strength to be joyous and merry for those who need it far more, and truly treasure any time remaining, whatever amount that turns out to be . If I can take one thing away from this ordeal, it is how important those in my life really are to me.
*It was a deep sentiment that lasted at least as long as a week, when she got home safely and into my toys again.
“billybartos said: REBLOG IT. Or I’ll come to your house and douse all your things in bad cologne.” — My dropbears will be waiting on the front porch for you XD.
its obviously a chain-letter hoax. guys? guys?!
Sigh.
If they were really going to do this, the admin have their own far more reliable methods of contacting you. your emails for one, the site code for another. They do not need to do so anonymously through silly chain letters.
I would not mention anything except for how many re-blogs of this I’m seeing.
(Source: circuitdruid.deviantart.com)
Annnd this is the third of the godbeasts… I’m slowly hashing out how I want them to look. This guy.. took me sooo long, but I’m finally digging his design. Now however, I need to update the other two to make them this classy XD
This dapper chap is illianos, and of the three world sized titanous ancient beasty creatures this guy is probably the only one who’s never caused anyone any strife. Illianos just watches and records. If your exceedingly polite he might answer a question for you, if you are willing to trade something of equal value. Knowledge should be earned after all.
While Illianos does not have the ferocious tenacity of the raicath, or the fiery cunning brutality of yhesondre, his far reaching vision and deep seated intelligence make him easily equally formidable.
